I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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