I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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