u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
