fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
