I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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