So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
