Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
