i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
