then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
