He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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