can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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