"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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