Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
