I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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