we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
