Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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