dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He better not be in your backpack
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
