She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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