and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
