so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
