You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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