He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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