I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
dude. I can hear the air.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
