How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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