strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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