I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
