I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
