I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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