2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
