and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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