It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
