It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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