i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
