it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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