dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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