i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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