She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
