Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
