out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
