we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
