David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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