You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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