I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh god it's open bar.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
