Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
