who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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