Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
