once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
