I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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