I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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