He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
