just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
