Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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