I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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