If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
