you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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