He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
