Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize