My first STD was from a foam party
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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