i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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