Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
