Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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