I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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