Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
