i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
