I checked into jail on foursquare
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
