So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
