she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drake has all the answers
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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